http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/10/01/sl-letter-of-the-day-sorry-nothing-fun
My response to those who say gay teens suicide is not the fault of the bullies or the extreme religious organizations who promote hate of the LGBTQ community.
First statement “No one can MAKE anyone commit suicide”. Right you are, because if in fact they DID, then it would be called Murder. And no one is accusing anyone of murder, though some might suggest it. No one is pulling the trigger, pushing them off the bridge, forcing pills down their throats or kicking the chair from under them so they can hang—that is all them. I mean it’s not the bully’s fault about what they believe or are taught. The bully is just doing what they feel is right, what a “warrior of Jesus would do” trying to keep others from sin and harm…or cleansing the world of ungodliness. And there is no way churches create bullies, I mean the Westbro Baptist church that holds their signs, chants—even protests at military funerals or the church wanting to have “burn a Koran day” or the Evangelicals who helped Uganda create a bill that would allow homosexuals to be put to death as well as those who know and don’t report that someone is homosexual. I mean of course they have nothing to do with it-that would be a s-t-r-e-t-c-h for sure.
After reading what you wrote I realized you were right, I mean, someone needs to advocate for the bully. It is not their fault someone kills themselves right? I mean that is ludicrous! It’s not the bully’s fault that signs are held up high that say “god hates the gays” “gays should be put to death-and their blood is upon them” or “gays [their agenda] is attacking and ruining families”. Nor is it the bully’s fault for just doing what they feel and believe is right-Someone has to right?
So take the rights of others to the ballot box and voting to keep them in their place-less then human, unworthy, and rejected. I mean there is no way that it is a bully or bullies’ fault or the extreme religious right for the emotional abuse and torture, physical violence or vandalism that contributes to making those who are bullied feel so small—insignificant, and their whole world become the bullies around them—the hate, the persecution that is shot at them daily. I mean obviously these bullies are doing society a favor right? And of course suicide occurs to more than just gay teens… I mean what about the targeted little boy or girl who is different, who is poor, or has a learning disability, or those who have their Facebook or MySpace account hacked and have things posted about them that are horrid and untrue—obliviously it is the child’s fault for not being able to withstand that—to know that it will eventually get better to realize that there is people out their to help them. And when the bullies are adults as well as children –when they are the child’s teacher or teachers – I mean that is all justified, they are just trying to help the child conform to what is “acceptable” in that community-a life lesson really-so who cares if it is either do or die right? It is a good and valuable life lesson, they should just conform! That would solve it! The bullies are just trying to HELP them.
What if the bullies are family –or the church that that child has grown up in? I mean it’s not the families fault for subscribing to the beliefs or saying things about how disgusting, gross, or what a grievous sin homosexuality is and how “those” people are going to hell. Jesus wont love them anymore right—no wait-He loves them but not what they are doing and IF they JUST have FAITH and believe hard enough Jesus will change them right!!??! Yeah- of course! That is all it takes! I mean so what if that kind of treatment and mentality leaves people so emotionally scared and depressed that they kill themselves because they feel so isolated and that they will never be good enough because they “can’t get rid of those feelings”. I mean, really, it would be better they kill themselves right?? Because it would be better then being a disappointment, disgrace, or being disowned by their family, friends, and the only church they have ever known. But how would I know—it’s not like I’ve ever experiences that-or felt that way right?
And everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs! Of course! That is what America is built upon. And I agree with you, I hate blanket statements …and I also hate stereotypes. You know stereotypes like “all Christians are racists and/or intolerant and bigoted” That is totally not true. I mean I know lots of Christians who exemplify what Christ taught, loving, serving. Learning, teaching and not judging-they are really amazing people. I try to do the same, what I have learned from the teaching of Christ, love, help others along the way, be honest and do the best I can and He will take care of what I cannot do. But wait, that’s right..I can’t be a Christian right? Oh I forgot, I am gay, and gay people can’t believe in God or Christ teachings because IF they did-they wouldn’t be gay right. Man, I always forget that one-sorry about that. I wouldn’t want my gayness to taint the purity of Christianity-because I am unclean and unworthy right? Even though I don’t believe that or feel that way that is sure what some folks who shout over pulpits want me to feel & believe. And if someone feels like the only solution to feel better is to kill themselves obviously is just misunderstanding the message being screamed, threatened, and beat into them. Stupid kids, no one WANTS them to die, they just want them to NOT BE DIFFERENT and be saved from themselves right? They are trying to help remember? I mean it would be gross and wrong if the bullies and extreme religious right showed love and compassion right? That is not what they believe! If they no longer chanted, protested, contributed millions of dollars to discrimination, held up hateful, graphic and crude signs, voted to not allow them to be seen as everyone else-that would be like telling Jesus you are embarrassed to be Christian and don’t want to help and save people who are going to hell. So bullies and extreme religions can’t not to that, IT would be WRONG.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about ACCEPTANCE because that would go against the VERY core of their beliefs and teaching to accept people for who they are-- that is just crazy talk. And it is even crazier to have love and compassion for anyone who is different –I mean if people are hurting or being abused it is their fault and it is God’s way of showing them that they are doing something wrong and proof to use to justify the extreme and the bullies. I mean gay teens don’t kill themselves because they feel alone, hated and are tired of the emotional, physical abuse—it is because they are Gay! I mean really-that is not a hard conclusion to come to –it is because being gay means you are sad and living a life that is awful and depressing and you cannot have joy or happiness or light living that way right? So, see you are right..and should be applauded for standing up for the extreme religious right and the bullies—again, someone needs to.
Maybe you cannot relate to those who are targeted by bullies and hate…but I can.
I have had those things said to me, I have been threatened, and I have been told that it would be better if I COMMITEED SUICIDE then to be GAY—from someone I love and respect-from someone who I thought loved me unconditionally-as they should. But luckily I am strong and I didn’t really want to die-I wanted to live and love. I could not believe that my Savior would rather me kill myself then be happy. I tried shutting off emotionally and not feel attracted—to settle -I tried the ex-gay therapies—and I thank God that He helped me through that and realize that was not right or true, that He was and is by me even if my family or the church I grew up with isn’t. Made no sense, and He blessed me to have the strength to see lies and fear and hate for what it is. He gave me the courage and strength to LIVE. I trust Him, and even though the church that I once gave everything to, has the rebuttal that I am just REALLY confused and being deceived. BUT I know that is fear talking as they are realizing they are loosing control. It is a lie that being homosexual will make you life a living hell. Or that “allowing” those attractions will just make one miserable and take them away from God. But lucky me, that I never actually fulfilled any attempt of suicide even though I felt alone. I mean really, I am glad I could reach out for support and process through lies and fear to find unbiased truth. TRUTH is that I am happy, and I feel joy and that my relationship with my Savior is growing, is personal and stronger than ever. I can live honestly.
I don’t feel the need to push what I feel or believe down anyone’s throat. I may disagree with what they believe but it is their prerogative to believe it—even if I feel that their beliefs cause harm. The extreme religious right--these extremists using these suicides to justify and push their propaganda-their beliefs, their hate, which in turn perpetuates the hostility, abuse, and hate--conditions of suicide to continue to rise. There needs to be a call to accountability because actions DO have consequences. Life is valuable and precious and something needs to be done to prevent young people from killing themselves and that means addressing the factors that contribute to suicide. It is like fighting a fire—in order to extinguish it-you have to address the factors that cause fire and extinguish them—heat, fuel and/or oxygen.
So if pushed or attacked—if by an individual, group, or the extreme religious right- I will push back. If someone has the audacity to try to “save or help” me from being gay and shove their beliefs and propaganda down my throat or down the throat of the gay community-I will fight back.
I will fight for those who are too scared or cannot fight for themselves—who have no voice.
I will respond when “they” feel that because of what “they” believe “they” should be able to dictate what I do, who I love, if I can have children, if I can marry the love of my life and if she can be protected and covered under the protections of marriage, if I can visit her in the hospital, or if deciding custody of our children is given to her if something happens to me or even where I can work. I will fight for that.
I am not asking you -or anyone to change your beliefs or opinions. I have NO expectation of ANYONE in my family to ever accept me for being gay or to fight for me or to cheer alongside me and Carrie-Anne when we are finally able to legally be married. That would be crazy of me to expect or even to ask. I mean of course my family “loves” me…but I know they “love” the church they go to more-and that is okay-it is what it is. But I don’t preach to them. I don’t call them out on their beliefs or how the church they attend supports discrimination and how that hurts me. I don’t expect my family to change. I know they do not agree with what they call my “lifestyle”. I know that. So I don’t post it on their fb pages. I don’t comment on something they hold dear even if I think it is FULL of fear and crazy logic.
Using the justification that you are not against those who are gay because you have gay family member(s) or friends doesn’t mean you like, love or even understand what they think or feel or what they have been through or what they go through. But-how can you if you don’t ask?
How would you have known the pain and sorrow I feel for those kids and their families who have taken their own lives? How would you know what it feels like to be spat on, threatened, called obscene names, or told by family that it would be better if you were dead then to be gay? How could you have known—when you don’t ask or feel the need to know before preaching and jumping to defensive position before realizing it is about the kids. It is about them. Not about you. You have a voice—they no longer do.
Who will fight for them? Who will be their voice? Who will help put an end to bulling and the detrimental consequences of it for everyone? Not only for gay teens—but for all who are bullied? Who will take a stand against discrimination—even if there are disagreements-and say this needs to stop? I mean truly—if one truly believes that by being gay-you will go to hell or your eternity will be living in a hell like state—then have the faith to let God handle it and live as Jesus taught-not judging, loving, helping, serving. Doing the best you can with what you have and He will take care of the rest. Sure you can share your beliefs, but once if told “no thank you” let it go-which requires faith that God truly is in control and will handle it. Interesting how the far extreme religious right twist words in such a way that the see themselves as the ones being persecuted and victimized; when really it is the children and the LGBTQ community who are truly being discriminated against, bullied and victimized.
